Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
