there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
