If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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