I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
