the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
