For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea