Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.