We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.