We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
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How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.