trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
