Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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