i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
