nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
