I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
