Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
