I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
