The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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