I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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