Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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