oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
