You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
