im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
