If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
