we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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