Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
