we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
