I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
