Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
