i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
