I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
