Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
