I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
