I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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