He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
