i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
