just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm passing your future prison.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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