We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
