now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
