I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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