hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
