11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
