Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
