After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
