I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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