Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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