The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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