hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
