I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
dude. I can hear the air.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
