I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
