Porn is love you can see.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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