I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
