So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
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How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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