I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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