I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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