piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
