you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
