btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
