Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I will pee on everything he values.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The adults are the big ones right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
