why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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