Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
