why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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