if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
