Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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