I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
