The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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