dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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