im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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