Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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