shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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