A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
