I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
