Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
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Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
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If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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