If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
