is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just want nice things and good sex
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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