She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so let's talk penis.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
